#30
Dear God,
Thank you. 7 letters, 2 words, 2 syllables, yet it doesn’t feel like the simplicity of those words reveals the gravity of them. While it reflects the posture of my heart, there are several layers that led to the utterance of those words. It was not said out of religion. It was not said to be proper, or as a response to a new blessing. I am still in waiting. There are things I am still struggling with. There are thoughts that flash through my mind, that if allowed to linger, can produce anxiety, fear, and attempt to threaten my faith in you. Yet, in the silence, when I am alone with my thoughts, reflecting on the past, present, and the soon coming future, I am grateful. Perhaps my gratitude was birth out of revelation. A decision to utilise the evidence of your hand on my life and the things you’ve brought me through as the foundation of my faith in you. Perhaps it was this year, when I saw grace in action, especially during those weeks that were physically and mentally exhausting. Perhaps before I realised it, it was a seed planted in my spirit and revealed in the utterance of my now favourite phrase, “it’s hard, but it’s doable.”
In that moment, I realised how far I’ve come. From that shy little girl, terrified of her own voice, insecure about many things, including her value, to the woman penning this letter. God, you healed something in me that I never knew was broken. You gave me a home. You offered me an unconditional, senseless love; the greatest gift I’ve ever received. Through the work of your holy spirit, you made me whole again. You remained patient, gentle, and kind, even when I wanted the opposite from you as I hid in shame, replaying my failures, and finding comfort in Egypt, while proclaiming my desire for the promised land. Your love gave me my voice back. I slowly became confident again, learned to love the parts of myself that I was convinced were my greatest weakness, even though they were my strength. Your love for me inspired me to love others irrespective of how it was perceived or received.
Thank you for the first three decades of my life. Professionally, I went from finishing two degrees to becoming a doctor, a dream I had since birth. In my 20s, I packed my bags and moved to literally the other side of the world, in obedience to your instruction, although selfishly at the time, it aligned with what my flesh wanted. While it was an adjustment physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, with your aid, I’ve made it a home. In my 20’s, you opened more doors than I can count, allowing me to open the doors for others. In my 20s, while I went through dry seasons, seasons where I felt abandoned, seasons where my pillows were imprinted with the memories of my tears at night, daily, you gave me enough strength to leave the house and get through the day. You taught me how to ask for help. That needing help doesn’t make me a burden or insufficient but allows you to bless me through people. You taught me that people can and will disappoint you, but the beauty of their humanity is that while they may, they also carry your greatest blessings. Their words alone can be a blessing, the thing you may need to hear in the midst of a storm.
Thank you for answering the silent prayers, the “silly,” “cheesy” ones. Thank you for being present when I was terrified and in situations where the outcomes felt uncertain. Thank you for encouraging me to take the shots even when I knew I was unqualified. While there were some no’s, there were even better yes’s. Thank you for working on me, on my character, raising me to be a woman of integrity, a woman who aims to reflect the nature of Christ. Thank you for the times that you’ve comforted me during seasons of mourning, when I had to unexpectedly say goodbye to people I thought I would see again. While I may not understand why yet, I am learning to trust your sovereignty. Thank you that in these past two years, I’ve had more reasons to rejoice. Thank you for being the reason for my laughter. Thank you for being my source. My everything. My Eli Roi, my Jehovah Nissi, my Father first, my friend second.
To the woman entering this new era, the word for you is to remain expectant. The scriptures to back it up are:
Ephesians 3:20
“Never doubt God’s mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for his miraculous power constantly energizes you.”
Habakkuk 2: 3
“This vision still awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove to be false. When the appointed time comes, it will happen with breathless haste. Although it may seem slow, just be patient and wait. For it will surely come right on time.”
Isaiah 43: 10
“I am doing something brand new, something unheard of. Even now it sprouts and grows and matures. Don’t you perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and open up flowing streams in the desert.”
He’s not done with you yet. He’s only beginning. Learn to wield the shield of faith and the sword of the spirit, which is His word. Remain in process and keep deciding to find joy in this season. There are many things He’s teaching you and things He’s bringing forth in you, so pay attention. He’s with you; he’s for you; you’ll get there. Do not compromise on your standards, even when the noise of the world attempts to pollute your convictions. Continue to love others freely. Do not hold onto the baggage of unforgiveness, for it will attempt to compromise the innocence of your heart and build bitterness and resentment in its place. It’s never worth it. Furthermore, your decision to love instead and see the best in a person is never a weakness but a strength. Never forget it. Most of all, choose joy. Be intentional about recording your victories (no matter how silly or childlike), your answered prayers, moments where you were proud of your actions, and God encounters. Happy birthday baby girl! Cheers to a new decade of the impossible made possible.
Until next time,
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Dress: Asos
